Don't be dumb, heart.

My mind realizes what has happened, and its the logical one. It buried the pain quickly and was ready for a time of tranquility and peace, but my heart...my heart still hasn't let go. It makes me angry that my heart and my mind don't travel along the same path, but then again if they did I wouldn't know how to love. Love is felt, and only once you feel it is known to you. Feeling love has such a stronger hold on your heart than knowing love, because when you feel love, truly with your heart -- there are no reservations that it doesn't know. Its all encompassing and all know, it spreads out through your being so that it touches every facet of your life. That is why, when you feel love it is unexplainably joyous; but on the other side of that coin, that is why when you lose love the pain is so great. Of course, there are varying levels of how far the love can spread before its removed, but in my case, I was fully immersed, all encompassed.

Now, I just pray to God to heal my heavy heart; to clear my mind of the sorrow it keeps being reminded of. I pray that you find happiness, I couldn't offer the kind you were looking for, but hopefully he can. I pray you are honest, to the point that it hurts. I hope you don't wait until its convenient to be honest, but be hurtfully honest, brutally. I would rather have that, then to be led to the slaughter. Finally, I pray to the Lord that one day we can be friends, that the hurt will subside and i'll see you just as a friend, and not as the love that was lost.

Hurry up heart, the mind is ready and I want to be ready. I want to be out of this pit of sadness and moving on, so lets make a tag team with Jesus. He'll be there for us, lets trust. We got this, heart and mind.

Anthony

It's gotta come out.

I was prepared to give you the world, ya know? But, in my preparation, did I suffer from tunnel vision? Was I so focused on the good, hoping and wishing it to work, that I missed the tell-tale signs of trouble? You decided you couldn't handle the whopping distance of half a state...a half a state? Thats it? Thats nothing. So you decided to cop-out on me, claiming you couldn't handle it, but of course, you still loved me. I was fine with that, for the most part. Sure, it hurt that you didn't want to risk a measly 400 mile gap between us, but I wasn't going to force you into a situation you couldn't handle. Want to know another measly piece of information? A whole 5 days later you were in a relationship.  You know what that tells me? You were seeing somebody before you ended it with me, and even if we didn't have the title, we were still "dating". And doing what you did, its called cheating. I find it one of the lowest things a person can do. I like how you had the audacity to do this, very bold. I thought you were sweet and loving, but I can't trust a word from your mouth anymore. The least you could have done is told me upfront, "I'm seeing someone else." That would have been easier than putting the pieces together 5 days after you break up with me. All I wanted was a relationship, but I guess this other guy made you happier in 5 days than I did in 3 months. Good on ya, bro. But think about it man, if she was willing to drop me on a dime when she found something "better" whats the difference when she finds someone better than you?

I wish you the best, but please don't talk to me anymore. I can't handle any more lies or untruth's, and if you look back on this situation down the road, realize what you've lost. I know i'm worth someone's time and love, and you just were not that.

Anthony

Wisdom

I've got this problem where I need to share what Ive read in the Bible. "That doesn't sound like a problem." Oh but it is. It is a problem because I don't look for the things God is trying to show me, I'm looking for things to share with others. So, I've working working on listen and focusing on what God is saying, then sharing that. :)

Lord God, I pray for wisdom and understanding. I want to earn both of them Lord, I want to know wisdom and know you more through it. Lord God, I want understanding, I want to understand what I've been called to. Bless me with wisdom and understanding so that I may follow you better Lord. Blow my mind, show me a speck of your dePth and overwhelm me in your presence. I want to cry out your name, "Jesus, Father, Saviour." I want to hear, "My son." I want to be in A relationship with you Jesus. I want to talk, hangout, grow close. I wantto seek your presence Lord, I want to talk with my Father and seek advice. I want to be with you Lord, be with me.

WISDOM:

To know wisdom is to know God. (Proverbs 8:36) But those who do not seek wisdom, those who do not accept her, only harm themselves.(proverbs 8:36)

If you know God, you also will know wisdom. Wisdom was God's first creation (Proverbs 8:22). And she was with him throughout all his works, when he created the stars, the oceans and their boundaries, to the dust of the earth. She was with him. In all God created, there was wisdom.

Lord, help me to gain wisdom.


anthony

Linger

So i'm laying in bed, listening to music and praying. I was praying for people close to me in life. I was praying for their prayer life, and I got this image, a holy insight into how Jesus see's prayer.

He's lingering. He's right there, lingering on every word you have to say. Each syllable you utter is like the unfolding of a story; a story he's written. A love story between you and Jesus. A STORY SO AMAZING THE LORD OF EVERYTHING IS LINGERING ON IT. With you, for you. 


For those with kids, it's like your child is telling you a story before they go to bed. You're so proud that they're doing it, filled with joy and happiness. 


Thats what I saw.

anthony

Stupidity

"⁶At the window of my house I looked out through the lattice. ⁷I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment. ⁸He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house ⁹at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in. ¹⁰Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent." Proverbs 7:6-10.


Don't be stupid. 


I read this and was all like, "That boy is definitely without judgment. ohhhh no!" 


This is how I see it, "LORD, I can't swim so help me from drowning." Then ya go ahead and just gainer a seventy foot cliff.


Stupid.


If you know you have difficulty with something, just stay the gosh darn heck away from it. Simple. 
Be smart with what you do, don't put yourself in a place to allow your sin to get a hold of you.

KISS. Keep it simple, stupid.


oh, and stay away from prostitutes!

anthony

Hate

"There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: " Proverbs 6:16




The LORD hates? I've never thought about it really, that the LORD hates. I knew he was a jealous God, **"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God." Exodus 34:14. I think I was still in that naïve child mindset where God is all bubbly and happy and can only have positive-happy-all-the-time emotions, do gooding.


But he's God right? He can do what he wants.


I'm glad that he shows hate, it gives him a dynamic i'd never thought about.
The Trinity; Three in One; The Fater, Son, Holy Ghost right? This shows God has emotions, and thus Jesus has emotions. No matter how many "Jesus" movies i've seen, they all portray Jesus as this stoic, never smile, never show emotion kind of person. I doubt the accuracy of those movies in that aspect.


**"For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge." Proverbs 6:34. 


Jesus is said/written as the bridegroom to the Church, can you imagine the LORD's Godly fury for his church?


The LORD is jealous for me. He hates it when I do evil, and he loves me for me.


amen.




anthony

Wife

"⁸Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, ⁹lest you giver your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel..." Proverbs 5:8,9


This verse has so many more applications than just staying away from the house of an adulteress. You can put anything harmful in her place. If you're a slave to something, its only common sense to stay away from whats causing you to stumble. Solomon was the king of common sense here, and here's his shout out.

(also, I noticed in the first verse of chapters 4 and 5 Solomon says, "Pay attention"to whom ever he is talking to. Like they kept zoning from what he was saying. Smack yo son Solomon. :P )

"¹⁸May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. ¹⁹A loving doe, a graceful deer --- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. ²⁰Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? ²¹For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths."Proverbs 5:18-21


This just makes my heart happy. One day i'll find that wife of my youth (obviously not the wife I find later in life eh? eh? :P ) and i'll be married and happy. I want to be growing in love with my wife every day that i'm married to her. Its basically the requirement. Thats what I get from verse 19, to love my wife more everyday.

But, you know what else I want? I want her to do the same thing for me. I want her to love me more everyday. Thats also a requirement.

And then the passage goes on to explain why cheating and lusting are pointless, dumb acts.
The LORD see's all your paths, and Cheating and unfaithfulness lead to deceit, but you can't lie to God.

This makes me happy for the future. The LORD examines all my paths and he's got a sweet babe lined up, I can tell.

anthony

Words

"²⁰My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. ²¹Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; ²²for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. ²³Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. ²⁴Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. ²⁵Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. ²⁶Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. ²⁷Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." Proverbs 4:20-27




I'm pretty sure that verse 23 is my favorite. Not in the sense of who you give your heart to, but what you put in your heart. If you keep the word of the Lord in your heart things are bound to go well for you.

There is nothing like filling yourself with Jesus. It just makes you alllll bubbly and happy and a better person. He grants peace and dissolves worry. Isn't God just amazing?



anthony

Trust

Lord God: bless me with understanding Lord, so that I may take fruit from your word. Help me to trust in you, with all my heart.


Proverbs 3 is a pretty tough chapter in my opinion.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5


Its solid stuff, but its tough. I feel pretty smart, I think I understand stuff, but then i'll look at the grand scheme of reality. When I do, I laugh. I know nothing in that sense.

Lets back it up a ways, to the beginning of the chapter;

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,  ²for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity." Proverbs 3:1,2


I think it is important to memorize scripture; to have it in your mind to recite and edify yourself and others when you don't have a Bible on hand.

The whole of Proverbs 3 enters the topic of trusting the Lord and relying on his wisdom and understanding and being granted the same wisdom and understanding. To receive it we have to acknowledge God and trust in him. The wisdom and understanding He gives us is more precious than silver and gold. I think thats a pretty good reason to trust in the Lord. :)

Lord when i'm hurting and I don't know what to do, help me trust in you. God help me to see you as my all. I need you Lord God, so so much. 




anthony

Heart

Proverbs 2: 1-8

"My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, ²turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,³ and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, ⁴and if you look for it as for hidden treasure, ⁵then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. ⁶For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. ⁷He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, ⁸for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones."


I love Proverbs.

2: applying your heart to understanding; now thats a smack in the face. How many people half heartedly do stuff? I do. Something you don't want to do, but are forced to do? Or, you're not fully committed to doing it, you think its a cool thing, but you're feeling lazy? Like devo's. You open your Bible and quote something on facebook; check the box and call it good. Now aren't you the cool christian kid? Next time you do your Bible reading/box checking, apply your whole heart to it. Do you know what will happen? Mind. Blown.

3, 4, 5: and if you look for it as for hidden treasure; Yeah, treasure. The Bible is full of hidden treasure just waiting to be found treasure. No one said the Bible would have answers just laid out in plain english, telling me the answers to all my questions, you have to apply your whole heart. Dig for it. Hidden treasure is usually buried. just sayin. 4) Pray your heart out, pray to God like its your calling. Pray to him like you're madly in love and haven't spoken in months. Cry out to him. 5) Once you've done what is in verse 4, then God will communicate back. How? Not necessarily in words heard, or feelings felt, but through his word, the Bible. When that happens, gather your mind back together...it'll be blown again.

6, 7, 8: For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; and spending time in your relationship with God he'll show you all sorts of things. The LORD will bless you with knowledge and wisdom, but he won't GIVE it to you. That would be a genie god. You will earn it through talking and searching for it like that hidden treasure. Spend time with the big G man, throw the ol' pigskin around and hang out. :)




I want to read a book of the Bible a month, but I want to finish a few days before the end of the month so that i'm looking forward to what i'll be reading the next month. Proverbs fits well with its 31 verses.

Share share share. :)


anthony

Hand

Proverbs 1:19;

"Such are the paths of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the life of those who get it." 


I've been broken hearted over women before, and there is a constant theme on why they don't want to be in a relationship with me, "We both need to grow in God first," or bestest yet "God told me so."

Hmph. Sounds like God is speaking profound things to the girls I like. I wish he would say to me, "Nah, boy, not this girl." Then I could be like, "Oh honey, you're sweet and all but God told me so, its not you."

But the truth is; people use God as a cop out. Usually people get in too deep for what they were looking for, they let themselves actually Love. Scary, I know. Or, they weren't in as much Limerence* as they thought they were, and when the honeymoon state of how awesome the other person is over, "God told me so." pops out.

So how do I deal with it? First, I don't get mad at God. I know he's not audibly yelling at these girls to breakup with me. Second, I think about them. Who were they? Did they really like me? Did they love me? Most of the time they didn't, it was me who had the feelings. Thirdly, I get really sad. I mean, what did I do to tick off God? Does he not want me to have a relationship? Fourthly, I realize that God is amazing, I pray to him, and I find peace in his presence and his word. Thats usually when I find the diamond in the coal; the smack in the face. I'm going to take a step here and say that God actually wants me to have a relationship. A dang happy one too, but he's kinda weeding out the weak. I make belief conversations in my head with God; I feel he chuckles at them but gives me some incite in my own head. Here's one:

ME: Hey Big G, I see you're speaking to these girls again. It hurts for them to leave. Just saying, maybe one could stay?

BIG G: Oh one will stay champ. But who were these chicks you were toying around with? Here, lets go for a walk. Take my hand, and I'll show you what you get.

ME: I'm scared to take your hand...

BIG G: What i'm taking you too is worth the fear of trusting me.

So I take his hand, and for a few months life is amazing.

Then I let go of it.


And i'm right back where I started, chasing someone I think I love, only to have them commune with the Great and Holy, and break my heart.

But thats the great thing, the Lord is the ultimate artist. He took dirt and made a MAN! I'm sure he can take the pieces of my heart and make something just as wonderful.

Today, I needed a pick-me-up;

"but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm." Proverbs 1:33. 


I'll listen Lord, i'll take your hand, i'll hold on tight. Now, where we going?



*Psychology the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically involuntary, and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.

Strong

Sometimes I feel strong, like people come to me for advice and conversation and friendship. I feel good about it. Then other times, I don't feel so strong. I feel insignificant, like people don't remember me.

Then I realize, I can't let people see that; I have to be strong for them.