Guns.

Hey,

Today was pretty awesome. So i'm down here in El Paso, TX for a nursing internship through ROTC. Basically I shadow a nurse and take over patient care, learn from the LT i'm shadowing and practice skills. The Army provided housing for us and it's not that great. It is a YMCA but it's equivalent to a Motel 6 of the worst kind. My air conditioner works, my water runs and my toilet flushes, i'm not really complaining too bad. There are a few down sides; the Y is located in the ghetto. We were ordered not to walk outside the premises because it was unsafe. We don't have any kind of transportation, but what is given to us by a few of the officers around.

My LT was great enough to invite the 3 cadets who didn't work tonight (myself, and two others) out shooting with a few of his officer friends. The whole eight cadets were planning on going to see the movie "The Purge" tonight and we were supposed to have plenty of time between shooting and the movie showtime. It turns out that shooting lasted quite a bit longer than it was supposed to and the three of us were late returning. The others were pissed. It's stupid.

Anyways, at the range we shot a whole variety of weapons: Shotguns, handguns, rifles etc.

It was a load of fun and i'm happy I went.

-A

P.S. I should have always treated you better. I shouldn't have ignored your phone calls or your text messages. All you wanted was to talk with me and be with me. I shouldn't have taken that for granted and now that you're doing it to be, I realize how wrong it is. I'm so utterly sorry.

Let's dust this off

Hey,

I don't write often, or at all really. Mostly I find myself wanting to let the world know what i'm feeling, but under the guise of a cryptic facebook status, 140 character tweet, or simple random hashtags. It also usually has to do with something going on in my life, mainly women. I'm always so poetic when my heart hurts. I think so at least; my words seem to flow together a little more smoothly than other times I put pen to paper or fingers to keys.

This time I want it to be different. I do want to pour out my hurting heart, but after that short mourning time, I want to share the life i'm bringing to others. I'm a student nurse and my passion is healing the sick. It'll be like a journal, an outlet, a release from my day. Nobody reads this anymore? No sweat, it'll be for my own benefit.

To say what is laying on my heart; I am so sorry. Words cannot express how sorry I am for how I treated you. My heart wouldn't let my head know what was going on. I treated you terribly, and i'm paying for it now, in my own way. I didn't realize what I had until you slipped away. You say things that give me hope, but I can't help but be anxious that you're just being nice. I don't think you'll come back to me, other people treat you better than I did and make you just as happy. Why would you? It doesn't make sense, so I hope, but only a sliver. I'm already talking myself into the crushed hope i'll soon be feeling. I. am. so. sorry.

For now, it's my day off from my summer internship at William Beaumont Army Medical Center. My LT. was cool enough to take a few of us shooting with him. That should be fun.


-A

Don't be dumb, heart.

My mind realizes what has happened, and its the logical one. It buried the pain quickly and was ready for a time of tranquility and peace, but my heart...my heart still hasn't let go. It makes me angry that my heart and my mind don't travel along the same path, but then again if they did I wouldn't know how to love. Love is felt, and only once you feel it is known to you. Feeling love has such a stronger hold on your heart than knowing love, because when you feel love, truly with your heart -- there are no reservations that it doesn't know. Its all encompassing and all know, it spreads out through your being so that it touches every facet of your life. That is why, when you feel love it is unexplainably joyous; but on the other side of that coin, that is why when you lose love the pain is so great. Of course, there are varying levels of how far the love can spread before its removed, but in my case, I was fully immersed, all encompassed.

Now, I just pray to God to heal my heavy heart; to clear my mind of the sorrow it keeps being reminded of. I pray that you find happiness, I couldn't offer the kind you were looking for, but hopefully he can. I pray you are honest, to the point that it hurts. I hope you don't wait until its convenient to be honest, but be hurtfully honest, brutally. I would rather have that, then to be led to the slaughter. Finally, I pray to the Lord that one day we can be friends, that the hurt will subside and i'll see you just as a friend, and not as the love that was lost.

Hurry up heart, the mind is ready and I want to be ready. I want to be out of this pit of sadness and moving on, so lets make a tag team with Jesus. He'll be there for us, lets trust. We got this, heart and mind.

Anthony

It's gotta come out.

I was prepared to give you the world, ya know? But, in my preparation, did I suffer from tunnel vision? Was I so focused on the good, hoping and wishing it to work, that I missed the tell-tale signs of trouble? You decided you couldn't handle the whopping distance of half a state...a half a state? Thats it? Thats nothing. So you decided to cop-out on me, claiming you couldn't handle it, but of course, you still loved me. I was fine with that, for the most part. Sure, it hurt that you didn't want to risk a measly 400 mile gap between us, but I wasn't going to force you into a situation you couldn't handle. Want to know another measly piece of information? A whole 5 days later you were in a relationship.  You know what that tells me? You were seeing somebody before you ended it with me, and even if we didn't have the title, we were still "dating". And doing what you did, its called cheating. I find it one of the lowest things a person can do. I like how you had the audacity to do this, very bold. I thought you were sweet and loving, but I can't trust a word from your mouth anymore. The least you could have done is told me upfront, "I'm seeing someone else." That would have been easier than putting the pieces together 5 days after you break up with me. All I wanted was a relationship, but I guess this other guy made you happier in 5 days than I did in 3 months. Good on ya, bro. But think about it man, if she was willing to drop me on a dime when she found something "better" whats the difference when she finds someone better than you?

I wish you the best, but please don't talk to me anymore. I can't handle any more lies or untruth's, and if you look back on this situation down the road, realize what you've lost. I know i'm worth someone's time and love, and you just were not that.

Anthony

Wisdom

I've got this problem where I need to share what Ive read in the Bible. "That doesn't sound like a problem." Oh but it is. It is a problem because I don't look for the things God is trying to show me, I'm looking for things to share with others. So, I've working working on listen and focusing on what God is saying, then sharing that. :)

Lord God, I pray for wisdom and understanding. I want to earn both of them Lord, I want to know wisdom and know you more through it. Lord God, I want understanding, I want to understand what I've been called to. Bless me with wisdom and understanding so that I may follow you better Lord. Blow my mind, show me a speck of your dePth and overwhelm me in your presence. I want to cry out your name, "Jesus, Father, Saviour." I want to hear, "My son." I want to be in A relationship with you Jesus. I want to talk, hangout, grow close. I wantto seek your presence Lord, I want to talk with my Father and seek advice. I want to be with you Lord, be with me.

WISDOM:

To know wisdom is to know God. (Proverbs 8:36) But those who do not seek wisdom, those who do not accept her, only harm themselves.(proverbs 8:36)

If you know God, you also will know wisdom. Wisdom was God's first creation (Proverbs 8:22). And she was with him throughout all his works, when he created the stars, the oceans and their boundaries, to the dust of the earth. She was with him. In all God created, there was wisdom.

Lord, help me to gain wisdom.


anthony

Linger

So i'm laying in bed, listening to music and praying. I was praying for people close to me in life. I was praying for their prayer life, and I got this image, a holy insight into how Jesus see's prayer.

He's lingering. He's right there, lingering on every word you have to say. Each syllable you utter is like the unfolding of a story; a story he's written. A love story between you and Jesus. A STORY SO AMAZING THE LORD OF EVERYTHING IS LINGERING ON IT. With you, for you. 


For those with kids, it's like your child is telling you a story before they go to bed. You're so proud that they're doing it, filled with joy and happiness. 


Thats what I saw.

anthony

Stupidity

"⁶At the window of my house I looked out through the lattice. ⁷I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment. ⁸He was going down the street near her corner, walking along in the direction of her house ⁹at twilight, as the day was fading, as the dark of night set in. ¹⁰Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent." Proverbs 7:6-10.


Don't be stupid. 


I read this and was all like, "That boy is definitely without judgment. ohhhh no!" 


This is how I see it, "LORD, I can't swim so help me from drowning." Then ya go ahead and just gainer a seventy foot cliff.


Stupid.


If you know you have difficulty with something, just stay the gosh darn heck away from it. Simple. 
Be smart with what you do, don't put yourself in a place to allow your sin to get a hold of you.

KISS. Keep it simple, stupid.


oh, and stay away from prostitutes!

anthony